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Today I'm 38! Yes, I said it, and I'm darn proud of it. Back when I lived at home, I never thought I'd see beyond 22. So many people I knew were dying. Dying young. I'm happy, and today couldn't be a better day! I'm living, breathing, can use all of my senses. I can walk and talk.
I also want to say happy birthday to those who share this special day with me:
Madeline, my good friend
Raiesha, my niece.
Happy B-Day Ya'll!!
Yea, that's me. I'm slackering. And yes, that's a term I'm coining. Dibbs. I called it first. I've been a busy little bee. Isn't it amazing how the month of January is rolling past us? I've been studying for two interviews that I've got lined up next week. For those of you who believe in dreams, wish me the best. For those of you who believe in prayer, pray that I land one of the jobs. I've been patient and prayful. It hasn't been easy finding anything to do around here unless you're into retail. I look at job ads all the time, and if I were holding an insturment that shows how much experience you need in order to fill one of the positions posted around here, it would be safe to say that the area between high school diploma and seasoned, qualified worker would be blank. In this town, you have to have no experience or just the right experience, there's no between, no grey--just black and white. I hate to use cliche's, but that was worth it.
As I look back on my choice this semester (whether I should return to SU to continue pushing myself lackadaisically through coursework or leave to look for work to help support my family), I'm happy with the decision I've made. Although I am feeling pauperish, I'm in good spirits. At first, I felt like I had let certain people down, not just a few choice folk at SU, but my family and especially my parents. But everyone has been extremely supportive; that makes me feel good. I've learned through all of this that no matter how your friends, family, and people you've allowed into your elbow space feel about the decisions you make, what's important is that you make the choices that you feel comfortable with. My children are happier, now that I'm home all the time; that I will cherish. Until I'm able to locate a job, I will stop complaining about what I don't have, which is income, and I will be thankful that I'm allowed to spend some quality time with my family. Thus, I return to my wonderful world of slackering.
"If you think something's impossible, it will be, but if you think anything's possible there are many possibilities"
Remember that? Okay, so the saying may not be worded as such, but you get my point. Right?
Maybe it's something that I made up in my head. I know that it's one of those sayings that I have stored in my mind, but can't quite remember who said it, or why, but I've held on to bits and peices of the original saying because I knew someday that it would serve a purpose for me, or that it would mean something to me. Anyhow, I've purposely made it part of my repertoire for whatever reason.
Well, I'm always trying to think of the possibilities cause I believe that all things are possible through Christ, and I believe that "I can do all things through Christ..." (Philippians 4:13). This gives me that tiny bit of sanity and sustainability that I need to keep going. Just when I think I'm down, I'm not, nor am I alone. My GOD is good! (shout, shout) And whether you believe that or not, that's your opinion. But I know that when I pray, when I'm sincere, and when I'm patient, my prayers always come to pass. And when they do, I remember, and give thanks just because I Know that HE is looking out for me and my best interest.
Anyhow, I'm good and all is well in my world. Things couldn't be better! (shout, shout, jump, jump [repeat this line forever])....
This is an old, but new entry. I was so busy yesterday that I had forgot to post. So I'm posting this entry on the date that I should have entered it in the first place.
This past weekend was T**'s weekend. Although we did not have much money to celebrate, we made the best of it, and we had a damned good time.
First I want to give a huge shout out to M** because she invited us over to help celebrate T**'s birthday, and also to offer me some comfort and support as a friend. I love you M**! You are so wonderful, and you're a damned good friend! I hope that when you need me that I can be there for you too. I also want to thank B** (that's M**'s stud) for cooking a fab dinner. Dinner, a movie, and kids shouting, laughing, and playing in the background (and one jumping on me from the table, loved it!)...now, that's an evening well spent.
So, my 5 year old turned 6 on Jan. 16, 2006, and I forgot to post her big day to the world. Well,
How cliché is that? Well, I think that my honesty has been nothing but trouble for me since I've been in the Northeastern part of the country. When I talk with people, I'm always candid about my intentions and aspirations. I've apparently put my foot in my mouth, and am chewing. (Gross!) Anyhow, I've got to learn to be deceitful, hypocritical, and outright calumnious in order for folks to believe anything I say, to get over on them, and to have my way. These are the traits of politicians and successful business professionals, and I had hoped to never cross that line, but if that's what I've gotta do, then may it be written as done. It seems that there are more assholes in the world than people who are genuine and true to themselves and others.
One of my oldest sisters, S**, who's about three years older than me, called me tonight. I enjoy talking to her when she's not upset about something. She's quite the character.
Tonight we got on the subject of children, which is likely to happen when we talk because we both have children. Anyhow, she shared the funniest thing with me. See, we began chatting about M-jr. I was saying that he's angry all the time (I know it's those adolescent harmones acting out). I was discussing his friends, his grades, and his teachers. I was also talking about the excuses that students make when they don't want to work on an assignment--college students. How they party all night, drink, and do drugs, and then expect the instructor to shade the "A" radio button when class ends for the semester.
I know that's a bit left, but here's what she said to me. "K** (her daughter, who's just in high school) told her teachers earlier during this school year that she was on medication, so she wasn't able to do in-class assignments well, nor was she able to keep up with the homework." I asked, "Well what did you do to her when you found out?" "Nothing," she replied. "I just talked to her. Hell, if they believed her without asking to see a doctor's note, then they were just as stupid as she was for saying that." I thought, well that's a good point. We both chuckled and started discussing something else.
This calls to question whether teachers really get to know their students and their students' parents after 5th grade. This ain't even about race. I say this because after 5th grade, which is still elementary school for most public school districts, students no longer have room parties, parents aren't invited to participate in classroom activities (parents are only wanted for Parent Teacher Association [PTA] events and fundraisers, if any), and students don't want their parents to step inside the classroom for whatever the reason. This is definitely the culture of the public school system.
I don't know what happens in private schools because I didn't attend any during my journey from K through 12. After 5th grade, parents only receive letters demanding that they discipline their child at home or else...the administration will take it upon themselves to send the child to afterschool detention or take some other action like expulsion, or sending the parents to jail. Should we take such drastic measures for discipline because a child won't "work" (that is, work on assignments or pay attention in class)? So when parents (those who can afford to send their child to a private school) get fed up with the public school system and decide to move their child to a private school, are they sending them to a private school because public schools won't discipline (there are too many bureaucratic laws and red tape)? Or are parents sending their child to a private school because there they'll get a better education? You decide.
I just wish that we could give our children a shot or a pill to help calm the harmons (NOT). ANY scientist working on that cure? Probably not. Can we say that that's a disease? It's surely a problem, and everyone experiences teenage harmonal changes in some form or another. Besides, harmonal change is a natural process and is one that shouldn't be tampered with. Really? Scientists then doctors provide women with all kinds of pills and shots for controlling birth, PMS, ADD, ADHD, PCOS, HOTFLASHES, and anything else you can name. Pills for men, some who experience harmonal fluctuations just like women, are just entering the market (or are just now being publicly discussed).
Keep in mind too that a shot or a pill just might take care of some of the problems that parents and teachers face while dealing with knuckle headed teenagers, aside from their desire to have people give them everything they want and spoil the shit out of them. I'm not talking about using Ritalin either; all children don't need to be knocked out and overdosed because they are hyperactive. Back in the day, hyperactive would have gotten you ass beat with a stick, belt, switch, shoe, hand, or whatever mama or daddy for that matter, could grab. The real problem with teens today is that they want people to give them something for nothing. They want to be immersed in the moment. This is the direction that society has moved both child and parent. How do we stop this massive envelopment? What happened to working hard to make an honest grade? Teachers should make the move to get to know each of their students whether they want to or not. No one is asking that they show up for dinner, just that they get to know their students on some level.
**I scheduled this to post yesterday. I'm just realizing that it didn't. Maybe I did something wrong?**
Today is my father's B-day! He's way older than those "Baby Boomers". He's intelligent, athletic, and can hold his own in a game of checkers. He's funny! He's my dad.
I've been trying to call him all day. I bet he's been out taking care of his dad.
Anyhow,
I Love You!
Well, in a few weeks, I will be closer to age 40. Some people might say that turning 40 is not getting older, it's getting better. I think that the longer you live, you'll always become smarter than you were simply because you've experienced some things. But what is more important than just becoming smarter is the fact that you know that you understand why you've become smarter, and you realize how you've been made smarter.
Being smart is not always about how many books you've read or how many articles you've written. I think being smart is about making good decisions based on being observant of other people, taking notice of your immediate surroundings, and trying not to make the same mistakes twice (whether the mistakes are ones you made or mistakes that you've watched someone else make). Being smart is also about being careful and keeping the best interest of others in mind. In other words, it's about doing things to make other people feel warm and fuzzy.
We all have different paths to travel. And yes, sometimes we end up in places or moments where we only wish that we were able to move forward or step aside, but that is not always possible; some things and some situations are worth holding on to for dear life, and then, some aren't.
As I live out my late 30s, I have realized that my presence here is not really about me. It's about the people I encounter as I walk this journey. It's always been about the people. They shape and mold me just as I shape and mold them. Anyway, I'm here, and everyone around me is happy and healthy. And we are in good spirits.
Experiences, observations, and being able to notice the small things in life--Now that's living!
Today must be one of those days when I often decide to take charge of some project that I've been picking at and pondering over, but not really working on. Well, today I've decided that I'm going to finish it. Wish me luck.
Hey, I don't claim to be an expert on caring for children, nor do I claim to be an expert on selecting a childcare provider, but what I do know is this:
While searching, what you want to look for is someone who has an open door policy, meaning that you can drop by anytime you like to check on your child. If they don't ask you for your child's immunization records, don't use that service. Also, you might want to try and schedule a visit and talk with them about an hour or so, just to see how they treat other infants. And most importantly, if you walk into a house or setting where you feel any tension or discomfort, between you and the provider, you shouldn't leave your child with that person. Trust your instincts. I know that everyone isn't perfect, and no one will take care of your child like you would, but you've got to trust someone, especially if you have no family members close by. Oh, and one more thing. Start your search early. The more you know about a provider, the better off you will be. Also solicit recommendations from other people who have children there.
Finding a good provider is difficult, but locating a great childcare provider is the best move you'll ever make, especially when it comes to children.
I'm still thinking about the hotel in Cleveland and all of the hotels I've ever been in. Although I travel with a can of Lysol, and I spray EVERYTHING in the room. Yes, everything! Right down to the TV buttons. Anyhow, how about we make a pact. Here goes.
When we are ready to check out of the room, let's wet the spread(s) and
blanket(s) in the bathtub or shower (leave them there). I mean we should soak them really well. That way, they'll have to either wash them or dry them (hopefully wash and dry them).
I think that if we can make this happen on a regular basis (like I travel a lot) or when we do travel and need lodging, then eventually we'll have clean sheets, blankets, and spreads in many hotels.
So, what are the repercussions? I don't know. The only thing I can think of right now is higher hotel rates due to the fact that the workers would have to wash extra laundry, which might lead to longer hours and slower service. At any rate, I think we should do it. Are you in? Does this sound like a doable pact?
Happy New Year!
I want to send a shout out to my nephew, Leroy. Today is his birthday. He was born a few minutes after mid-night on this date some years ago.
To ring in the New Year, I need to think about the past year. One of the things that comes to mind is listening to my girls sing childhood songs that they will always remember. Here's an update to the post I had a while ago titled, "Games We Play". My daughters have introduced me to a new song:
A, B, C, D, E, F, G...
ain't nobody gonna mess with me
my momma
my daddy
my bald headed granny
she's ninety-nine
she thinks she's fine
she's going out with a friend of mine
go granny...go, go...go granny...go, go
Welcome to McDonalds
may I take your order
see my pinky
see my thumb
see my fist
you'd better run.
That is fun and funny!