She's a Bee-Otch
The Mayo Clinic has described my life exactly as it has been on a decline since 1997. Here are my symptoms:
- Persistent sadness or depression
- Marked anxiety, feelings of being "keyed up" or "on edge"
- Mood swings often marked by periods of teariness
- Persistent or marked anger or irritability
- Decreased interest in usual activities
- Fatigue or lethargy
- A feeling of being overwhelmed or out of control
- Flu-like symptoms, including muscle aches, headaches and joint pain
- Changes in sleep patterns — problems falling and staying asleep or sleeping too much
- Changes in appetite — overeating, lack of appetite or specific food cravings
I've been feeling this way for some time, but lately I haven't been able to handle or control it.
The only thing that the Mayo Clinic left out was...
Well, three weeks ago, I could have crawled under a rock and died a slow death, and I would have believed that no one cared.
*AND* I've been short with people at work, with my kids, and with my husband, of which the latter two concerns me. There have been times when I've been standing next to someone or talking to someone and have started sweating so bad that I could feel the perspiration run down my legs, and I've been so cold, that my hands and feet have lost feeling (this is during 90 degree weather).
So, three weeks ago, I couldn't drag myself out of bed for work. I didn't call in; I missed meetings; and didn't show up for work a second day. That's when my boss called...and when she called, I was not home. I'm out driving to the bank of all places. My life couldn't stop for my illness, but for my job could, it was on hold. Does that mean that I devalue what I do/where I work? I don't think so, but I haven't been able to focus on my job, my home, my family-nothing, not one thing; and everything, everything has "felt" SO out-of-control.
So the week following my not calling in to work. I make an appointment to see my doctor. When I return to her office after getting blood work done, she tells me that everything checks out, but I need to watch my weight (I knew that). But what about my mood swings and other symptoms? She said I have a condition known as Premenstural Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), which is PMS on steriods. Now, I'm taking medication to help control all of my symptoms. This really sucks! To some extent, I feel like I might end up in a mental hospital, and my husband (who is, by the way, a great and patient guy) will end up sitting in a chair somewhere watching me die a slow death.
Anyhow, I talked to my boss today because she thinks she's "concerned" about my health, but I know that she's concerned about my ability to perform; in other words, can I still get the job done? This is the question that is right now not allowing her to sleep. I know it will be difficult for them to replace me, but I'm not the least bit concerned about any of that. I want to get healthy, and stay that way. I have to for myself and for my family. Who will tell M-jr to eat real food instead of nachos? Who will tell D* that she can write circles around Stephen King? Who will guide T*'s mouth and help her to know that being sassy is NOT the way to go? They need me. My husband needs me. I need me. This is one challenge I need to face head-on. And I'm going to do just that.