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May 25, 2007

"The Black Community's Dirty Laundry"

We ain't got no dirty laundry. At least no more than the next culture. You know, I am so sick of people talking about Cosby and how he handled and is continuing to speak about poor lower class Black folk. Cosby is correct in what he’s saying. Yes, the first time Cosby openly discussed what he felt, maybe it wasn’t the right venue and maybe the timing wasn’t right, but it was the right thing to say. I grew up in what was considered a poor community. You wouldn’t know that by observing the way I roll now. Most houses were shotgun or unkept, dilapidated cars in the driveways, and most days, people hung out on their porches just looking out. On the 1st and the 15th you could tell that they had received their government checks. Food stamps, government peanut butter, government powdered milk, I’ve been there.

Continue reading ""The Black Community's Dirty Laundry"" »

November 09, 2006

Spiritual Journey Day 2

Take Time for Self:

So far today, I've managed to spend one hour alone. In that hour, I've surfed the internet, paid a few bills, and read my Intercom Magazine. Now, I've managed to crawl into bed and am watching the news. That's something I haven't done in a while, that is, watch the news.






bradley.jpg.jpg
AND I still don't know what's going on in the world, aside from the fact that Ed Bradley expired, having lukemia. Wow, age 65! Right at the age for retirement. I thought that he looked sick the last time I saw him on 60 minutes.


"A man's heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9 (NKJV)

November 08, 2006

Spiritual Journey Day 1

In Detox Mode:

2 tablespoons lemon juice or lime juice (1/2 lemon)
2 tablespoons of pure grade b maple syrup or a maple syrup
1-2 pinch cayenne pepper, to taste (red)
12 ounces of purified water (very warm)

Directions:
1. Cut up some (preferably organic) lemons or limes.
2. Heat up your water (microwave for 90 seconds).
3. Squeeze lemon/lime juice into the warm water (avoid getting seeds in your water; use a tea filter).
4. Sprinkle a little cayenne powder in and stir in your maple syrup.

Drink this several times a day when you get hungry or thirsty (you may alternate this with pure water but not much else). Use this as an exclusive food for 2-30 days, as you deem appropriate.

Pray that this works.

October 21, 2006

I've Neither Paused Nor Stopped...Just Need to Start

Tonight, I just needed to write. I think about writing to the blog all the time, and never set aside time to do it. I've been thinking extensively about things going on in my life. How I've been too busy to pay attention to the little things, and how I've been too busy to catch up with things that are passing me by.

Had I been complimented by the one person who I once admired, and still hold admiration for, I don't know where I'd be right now. I'm at a distance with that side of my life, yet I'm so close. On the front all is well, but people around me are getting older, time has not paused or stopped just so that I can touch and feel that which is untouchable. Each day I walk out the door, I do notice the leaves changing colors on the trees. I notice my children getting older. And I notice my own body changing. Everyday is a struggle to be steadfast and hold on to those things that I treasure.

In this space, I want to be who I am, but I'm so unsure of what I need to say when I sit and type. I want to say things, but I get bogged down. I want to write my history, but I'm not sure where to start. I have so much to say, yet I can't say it. Starting here is a good beginning, I know. I just need to start. I just need to start.

February 02, 2006

Cathexis

Am I going crazy?

For some time now, I've been in a mental and emotional yo-yoish kind of mood. You might call them mood swings. This has been going on for about 2 1/2 years now.

Continue reading "Cathexis" »

January 29, 2006

HAPPY B-DAY ME!!!!

Today I'm 38! Yes, I said it, and I'm darn proud of it. Back when I lived at home, I never thought I'd see beyond 22. So many people I knew were dying. Dying young. I'm happy, and today couldn't be a better day! I'm living, breathing, can use all of my senses. I can walk and talk.

I also want to say happy birthday to those who share this special day with me:

Madeline, my good friend
Raiesha, my niece.

Happy B-Day Ya'll!!

January 07, 2006

Being Shaped and Molded

Well, in a few weeks, I will be closer to age 40. Some people might say that turning 40 is not getting older, it's getting better. I think that the longer you live, you'll always become smarter than you were simply because you've experienced some things. But what is more important than just becoming smarter is the fact that you know that you understand why you've become smarter, and you realize how you've been made smarter.

Being smart is not always about how many books you've read or how many articles you've written. I think being smart is about making good decisions based on being observant of other people, taking notice of your immediate surroundings, and trying not to make the same mistakes twice (whether the mistakes are ones you made or mistakes that you've watched someone else make). Being smart is also about being careful and keeping the best interest of others in mind. In other words, it's about doing things to make other people feel warm and fuzzy.

We all have different paths to travel. And yes, sometimes we end up in places or moments where we only wish that we were able to move forward or step aside, but that is not always possible; some things and some situations are worth holding on to for dear life, and then, some aren't.

As I live out my late 30s, I have realized that my presence here is not really about me. It's about the people I encounter as I walk this journey. It's always been about the people. They shape and mold me just as I shape and mold them. Anyway, I'm here, and everyone around me is happy and healthy. And we are in good spirits.

Experiences, observations, and being able to notice the small things in life--Now that's living!

December 14, 2005

Going on Two Years

This has been the longest almost two years of my life. Not only have things slowed down for me work wise, I'm not enthusiastic or passionate about the things that I used to enjoy doing. I feel drained, exhausted, and unsure about my future. I keep questioning that fact that I've done something wrong. That I've made the wrong decision regarding my life style. All in the hopes of doing something that would serve to benefit my kids. I don't know if this is worth the headaches and gray hair (that I didn't have before I moved here). OMG, and the weight gain! I'm just about where I was almost two years ago. This is stress and I say it's not worth it. I'm extremely far away from my aging parents; I'm broke; and if something were to happen to them, I don't know how I'd get home. I'm driniking more than I have since college, and I'm not engaged in the WORD like I should be. I've been told that when you get to a point in life where you have too much on your plate that the dishes start to break. Guess I'm there because things are beginning to fall apart (on the inside anyway). You wouldn't know just by looking at me. Anyhow, I'm going to bed...after I pay a few bills. Can't allow the creditors to start calling. I thought that I was ready for this, but I guess I've been fooling myself. In the famous words of the late Johnny Cochran (who was my homeboy too), "If it doesn't fit, then you must acquit." I shall quietly rescend back underneath my rock.

December 09, 2005

Posting to Mommy's Blog

This is one of the most favorite pictures I have made. Hope.jpg It is called Hope. My pictures make me think of who I am. My second picture is called Nature . Nature.jpg Nature is one of my favorite pictures I have made. When I get older I want to make my pictures into glass models. I like talking about myself it is fun.

November 05, 2005

Waking Up: The Day I Recognized Tranquility

One morning some time ago, in fact it was about ten years ago, I woke up and thought about how the seansons change. At that particular moment, I was thinking about how the leaves on the trees changed colors, how the smell in the air was somewhat different. I was no longer waking up to the smell of biscuits baking or that tinge of cinnamon in the air. I awoke to the smell of coffee brewing and a crispness of hickory lingering because people burned fireplaces or cooked breakfast using wood stoves.

When I lived in my parent's home, I always awoke to the smell of clothes drying, to the sounds of machines humming and the bumping of foot pedals on presses; I awoke often to the sound of a tune on the radio, to the sound of people talking (as if they were yelling at each other—they just couldn't hear each other because of the noise), and more importantly, I would awake to the sound of my dad whistling, humming, or singing a tune while diligently working. I'd awake to the sounds and scents of the family business. The fumes of the fluid that's used to dry clean clothes is not a horrific smell, but it's something that I find hard to describe. Although for me, it is a special scent, which brings an influx of memories.

Now that I've been away from home for several years, I can still wake up to the smells of freshness in the air—sausages, coffee, hickory, and that crispness, which arrives with fall weather. And I can still wake up and look out the window and see the leaves on the trees change colors. But what I no longer awake to hear are the humming of dryers turning, steam seeping and searing from pipes, the whistling and singing of my dad as he bumped and clicked the foot pedals of the presses; there was always a rhythm and a beat of familiarity. So whenever I would wake up, while at home, I knew that If I were to listen, really listen, I could hear that I was home.

Although I can no longer smell the freshness of clean clothes, of steam, of a crisp fall day in Louisiana, or hear my father's rhythms, beats, whistling, and singing, I am sadden. But when I take a moment to reminisce, I feel whole and at peace with my immediate surroundings and the world because I know that all is going to be well.

So today, despite whatever it is that I will encounter, today will be a good day.

October 27, 2005

Computers and 5 Year Olds

Yesterday T**, my five year old asked me if she could use my computer to type the word "ant", which she had learned in school. She told me she had worked on the computer at school to spell the word, and now she needed more practice. Being the nurturer I am, I sat her at my desk, opened MS Word, asked her what color she wanted the alphabets to be ("PURPLE"), made the font size 48, and let her take control.

First she had a bit of trouble locating the letters, so I guided her just a bit. Afterwards, she was sitting here just chuckling and giggling in awe. She was extremely excited that she was able to use the computer at home. For her, this was more interactive than the pbskids website that she plays on sometimes, where most of what children do there is point and click.

So after typing the first "ant", she exclaimed, "How do I do it again?" I showed her the ENTER key. The cursor moved to the next line. "How do I erase it?" was her next statement. I showed her the BACKSPACE key. She urged me to go find something else to do, and I did. Upon returning, she had typed the word down three pages. She looked at me and said, "How do I print it?" Well, we had a small problem; we couldn't print from my printer because I hadn't loaded the software yet. So I suggested that we move the file and then print from the network. She seemed a little frustrated....Of course she would be, what was I talking about? "Network"? What does that mean to a five year old?
_________________________

Then she wanted to know whether she could take a copy to her teacher, Mrs. Grossman. I assured her that she could. But before we moved the file to print it, I asked if she wanted to type her name across the top of the first page. "Yea, sure!" she remarks. So she spent another five minutes locating the letters to type her first and last name. In her locating the letters of her name, she would look at the monitor, spell her first or second name aloud (whichever she worked on), look at the monitor for a missing letter, then hit the key of the missing letter. She repeated these steps until she had typed both her first and last name.

Afterwards, I saved her "ant" file to a home shared drive, and we ran to the basement to print. She was so energized after doing that, she had to eat a bowl of ice cream. I felt good because I had a chance to see a side of T** that I don't always get to see.

Now that's motherhood!

August 15, 2005

The Mozart Effect

050812_babymusic.jpg

Cute isn't it? I thought so too.
National Geographic has a story from Slovak (Central Europe), where doctors are using Motzart's music to find out whether it releives babies of stress.

"Shortly after birth, infants receive five 20-minute music sessions each day. Doctors found that while the tikes are tuned in, most of them fall asleep or lie quietly."

This is not news to me. When my daughter T was 12 days old, she was admitted to the hospital where she was diagnosed with respiratory syncytial virus (RSV), which is a major respiratory bacteria in infants that knocks on death's door. Many cases result in loss of life for infants.

Before T was born, I had read about music and how it could possibly enhance the creative ability in children. That resulted in my having put a CD player and a Mozart CD in her room. I had asked the nurses to play the music constantly. So when she was awake, getting fed, getting a bath, or just resting, she was listening to Mozart. The nurses often told me that the music seemed to help her relax; that they were able to see this in her breathing patterns and heartbeats.

Most babies diagnosed with RSV stay in the hospital more than two weeks. T was in there ten days, but it seemed like an eternity. I truly believe that the music helped. For years, she's struggled with seasonal asthma where we've had to give her albuterol and singular. And as a result of using those along with some other medicinals, she suffers from dry mouth, which has been extremely hard on her teeth and gums. This year has been one of the better years (not as much medication so far).

So yea, the Mozart Effect rules!

August 07, 2005

Happy Birthday Miss 8

Today is D's birthday. I should have blogged this earlier, but I'm slow and we've been celebrating with her all weekend. Now, I'm tired.
We still have two more things to do, but they will have to wait until Friday.

I don't recall my parents celebrating my birthday in any extensive way, except on my 16th birthday; that was also when I had my first libation. By today's standards, they would probably have been placed in jail. LOL!! But even if they didn't celebrate my birthday when I was younger, while working on my bachelor's degree, my mom always sent me a card. So, all was not lost.

Happy B-day D!

July 18, 2005

One Vacation

I really don't know how this will this will post, but I'm hoping the size of this image is okay.

myfamily.JPG

It's a photo that I've taken of my family's caricature from a Florida vacation. Glen was the the artist who distorted us. My hair was in a ponytail; so as drawn, it looks kinda awkward. AND M-sr does not look like himself to me. He resembles a few of his uncles. This is a great memory for my kids; they often look at this caricature and laugh.

July 11, 2005

Advice on YOUR children

Have you ever received advice from someone who has no children about how you should control, work with, attend to, talk to, behave around...your children?

Have you wanted to tell that person or those persons to F*&% themselves?

July 09, 2005

Parenting 101

Do parents still teach their kids "manners"? Well, I just had an 11 year old girl enter my house without knocking. It immediately pissed me off.

I was sitting here at my desk talking to M-jr, when the door flew open. She said, "Marcus...blah blah blah...." (WHATEVER!, I only heard "Marcus"). As she blah blahed, I looked up and sternly said, "You could have knocked! You don't live here you know!" She didn't say anything; she just closed the door and walked away.

The girl at the door must have caught M-jr off guard as well because he shouted something like, "Yea! You should knock, instead of just walking in." And then he went outside. Now, THAT was a bit different for me. (His making this remark.) He usually says (under other circumstances) something like, "Mom, it's okay (defending the other person). You're embarrassing me." But not this time, he was on my side. Way Kool!!!

If you don’t do it, and you have kids (some would call them children), PLEASE teach them to knock before entering someone’s house. Unless the home owner knows they are coming over. Then their intrusion would have been cleared BEFORE they step into some else’s sacred domain.

June 23, 2005

A Little Exhausted

Well, M has been gone for almost a full week, and I'm here with the kids, who get out of school this week, while still, I have one more week of classes.

So, I've been trying to keep them entertained while reading, writing, and cleaning. Don't get me wrong; they help me clean too, but there are some things that I just have to take care of myself.

I so need M's help. I guess that after my last classes next week, I'll have somewhat of a break, but not really. Anyhow, got to get T off to school. Today is her last day too. I'm just glad the she will be going a full day and not for a half day.

June 10, 2005

Squirrels and the 5 Year Old

This morning I managed to prepare T her favorite breakfast: Pancakes. Once I sat the plate in front of her, she insisted that I cut them up and pour lots of syrup. BTW, T's favorite syrup is maple. Anywho, she was positioned in front of the window, where if you were to look out, you'd see nothing but the neighbor's house and a few trees. It's not the most beautiful site to view.

But when T looked up from her plate, her eyes expanded, her mouth flew open, and she said, "Mama, look at those squirrels! There are so many! And they're jumping from tree to tree to that house over there!" So I stood, leaned over the side of the table and completely opened the blinds. "Now," I said. "We can watch them play." She sat there, ate pancakes, and watched the squirrels. For her, it was like watching a nature show on television. For me, it was nice seeing the excitement of watching squirrels play through the eyes of my 5 year old.

June 07, 2005

Remarkable 5th Grade Musicianship

M-jr. asked us sometime in late-April to purchase a trumpet, which was, I thought, another one of those "spend your money on me gimicks." Although we are at the rent a trumpet stage, and not the fools full purchase stage, this turned out to be a good investment.

Tonight the Jamesville-DeWitt Middle School band performed at the high school. M-jr. was amongst the band. I was one proud mom. He had worked so hard to get a seat in the band, and after just a few weeks of practice to hear him play with the entire band was a bit overwhelming.

As I sat there, my heart raced; yet, I intentionally sat waiting to hear a screech or a wrong note. None of that. I found myself wanting to listen to more of this remarkable musicianship. When the trumpet section stood--to play a memorized piece of one of the selections--I wanted to stand and shout, but I didn't. Like other moms and dads alike, I kept my cool.

Seeing and listening to that 5th grade band made me think of my own band playing, while in high school. After seeing M-jr in the hallway--fresh haircut, long sleeve white button-down, red tie, black pants & shoes--I hugged him as if to stop his breathing and said to him several times, "I'm so proud of you!" To see that smile of personal best and personal accomplishment on his face was priceless; something I'll never forget.

So, whenever I'm done shouting at him, and being totally pissed off about something stupid he said/did or about something he didn't think through, he's always off to play his horn (as loud as he can). I guess my fostering has been useful and helpful for him.

At any rate, I'm still proud to be his mom.

May 09, 2005

Trashy Shopping

This afternoon I took M-jr to the grocery store with me. He had a homework assignment to complete, and I had to do the regular shopping, which I never, hardly ever do. I must say that it's a good thing that grocery isles have hanging lists so that you have some idea of where to go to find something.

Anyhow, M-jr and I had gotten to the check-out, and I was yelling at him because he kept placing his homework folder on the rolling counter where I was placing the grocery. Well, at the edge of the rolling counter, there's a trash can. As I piled the counter with more than the cashier could move away, M-jr's folder fell into that trash can. He yelled, I yelled, and the cashier was bewildered because he didn't know what was going on.

M-jr: "Ugh! Ew! You pushed my folder into the garbage. Nasty!"
Mom: "Well, I didn't know it was there!" (yes, I did, but I told him to hold it. I never saw the trash can.)
M-jr: "Whose going to recover it!"
Mom: "Stick your hand in there and get it!"
M-jr: "I'm not sticking my hand in there!"
(Cashier still confused, but looking.)
Mom: "Go ahead."
M-jr: Reaching into the trash. "Nasty, pizza! It's on my folder!"
Mom: "Just pull it out!"
M-jr: "Ugh, I can not believe you made me do that!"
Mom: "Oh well. You can go wash your hands now."
(Cashier laughing.)

That was fun!

Computer Genius

Today I learned that M-jr is writing a story about himself as a computer game genius. I started reading it, and as always I looked to correct his sentences and grammar. Well, I didn't have to do that this time. I saw only a few spelling mistakes (like I can spell). Anyhow, it's a wonderful story.

Once he completes it, he would like to get it published. I asked if I could blog it, he hesitated. Instead, he wanted to know whether we could send it to a children's book publisher to try our luck. My fear, and I haven't told him this, is that it might get rejected. But then again, children's publishers are always looking for great children's stories. We'll see what happens when it's complete.

Does anyone personally or through some acquaintance know of any children's book editor, publisher, or illustrator?

April 02, 2005

Games We Play

My daughter just asked me whether I remember how to play the game called "Concentration." Yea, I remember.

My children often remind me of the fun I had as a child.

Continue reading "Games We Play" »

March 16, 2005

My Children are Funny

So, this past weekend, I was telling my children about the book, Heaven turned movie, Flowers in the Attic, by V. C. Andrews. They cringed when I said that the children in the book referred to their grandmother as "The Grandmother".

I explained to them that the underlying theme was a child's love for his/her parent. This was exhibited by both the children and their mother. But it was a cruel and daunting tale that deserves a reread or a revisiting of the movie.

I told my children that they would have to read the book before seeing the movie. This will allow them to experience a real example of how books, which are transformed into movies never have the same look and feel. Woeful is the advid reader when beloved books are annihilated by those in search of a dollar.

Good Help Really IS Hard to Find

When I think about it, I get angry. People look at me, and once they get past the color of my skin (which some can't get past), some of them, exhibit envy no matter how they size me.

Continue reading "Good Help Really IS Hard to Find" »

February 23, 2005

A Cry for No Help

I dedicate this poem to my sister, who continues to live an abusive life, and has lost her way home:

my sister, my deep dark black
sister. Why do you suffer in that
lonely hell? participate must you?
allow it must you? I struggle to
understand why you keep with
i struggle to understand why this
profound darkness hushes you
My sister My sister My sister
i cannot feel your pain
i cannot feel your agony
i am blind to your darkness
be great must you, hide must you
keep secrets must you? WHY: tell them!
i feel for you because you are
O p p r e s s e d e p r e s s e d
and he is o b s e s s e d p o s s e s s e d
regressed like a shellfish you won’t talk
and as I sit, I read about empowerment
Black pride, struggles of Black WOMEN
yet you won’t talk; they won’t talk;
i read of the nurturing Black Woman
yet you are powerless even in your own home
My sister My sister My sister
best friend torture is yours
think of your children you must
eye black body fragile health failing
Do you even remember what it’s like to be you?
Lean on me; I will support you; I will be strong for you.
I need you to be strong and walk away.
Life is too short. Listen to me. Listen to me.

February 11, 2005

Tales of the Five Year Old

I'd been saying all this week that I would tell you of my adventures with my five year old, but I've been putting it off. Well, each morning, I birth a five year old. What do I mean, you say?

Trinity, my five year old daughter, is a barrel of joy. In the mornings I wake up late cause I'm up late. Trinity wakes up late cause she never wants to go to bed. So each morning I'm prodding her to wake up. After she's up, she begins procrastinating by saying she can't find clothes to wear, she doesn't want me to comb her hair, she's hungry, she can't find her shoes, then she can't brush her teeth alone; the list is endless. There's always something.

When I've dressed her and she's been fed, she wants to play. At the same time, I'm still trying to get dressed myself, and haven't had breakfast. With time dwindling away, and as I race against the clock, she wants to play the tickel game. All along I'm thinking, "I've gotta get your (Trinity's) lunch together; other wise you aren't going to eat today."

It's been a mad scramble, every morning this week. But I'm so happy to have such a bright cheery enthusiastic jovial child in my life. She makes getting out of bed fun.